Workplace Prayer

To be completely honest, I struggle A LOT in the workplace. My job has me serving multiple buildings and multiple personalities and people. Many times I become the "in-between" person. I don't have the power to make final decisions and usually just carry out what I'm told to do and most often I only hear the complaining of said decisions. 

Because of the big changes in my job this year and not having as much time off in the summer as I usually do, I've been reflecting on my attitude about the coming year and know I need to adjust my thinking. 

I pray a lot to not take things personally. I pray to focus on what I CAN do instead of what I can't. I pray to be respectful of leadership and their decisions even if I don't agree with them and to be patient with those around me. 

The new year hasn't even started and I feel more stressed than ever that I won't be able to fulfill everything that needs to be done. I've had to come up with small boundaries in order to maintain time with my family on my days off so I don't get caught up in the stress when I'm off the clock. 

I searched for a prayer that might work for me and came up empty, so I decided to come up with my own. I thought I would share it just in case I'm not alone. :) 

Dear Lord,

Help me to work for you & to respect authority around me. 

Nudge me to live each day full of honesty & integrity. 

Guide me when faced with trials & tests at my workplace. 

Show me opportunities to bless others & to let YOUR light shine through me. 

Overwhelm my spirit & soul with grace and love for my co-workers. 

Remind me to have an attitude of gratitude & to display patience for others. 

Lead me to opportunities to use the gifts & talents you've given me to serve You. 

I rest daily in the faith I have in You and in the borderless love You have for me. 

Amen. 

Fly

I'm not enough. 
I'm not worthy. 
I'm not pretty enough.
I'm not skinny enough. 
I'm not rich enough. 
I'm not valuable. 
I'm not significant. 
I'm not good enough. 
I'm not polished enough. 


Last week, I had to do something that re-opened a wound that I still have difficulty letting go of after many, many, many years. This wound has a way of taking me to the root of all of my pain and rehashing it all out over and over. By the time the week was over, I was unsure of everything I knew.  

Because Sunday started my week off in pain, I had difficulty just getting through the week. 

Getting up and getting motivated was hard. Wednesday was especially hard. This leukemia journey with Jace is long. There's not much else to say. To everyone he looks great. He has his hair back and runs with boundless energy. This IS a victory. 

As we drove home Sunday afternoon, we listened to a sermon that spoke directly to me. 

Everyone knows the story of David and Goliath. Everyone knows it ends in Victory. But not everyone knows about "the grind" behind the story. 

David is hands-down my favorite character in the Bible. He wasn't perfect, but he was raw, honest, deep and faithful. I love his acute awareness for God and his need for God in his life. 

Monday, I started the week feeling tired of the grind and ready to just give up. 

The week didn't get easier, but by Thursday my sweet husband had paid for me to go to our church's women's conference. I, truthfully, had to force myself to go. I was not in the mood for much of anything, but I sat as a woman talked to me about patience as God places us in an environment to receive what God will give us. 

Patience. 

OK, God. I'm listening. 

The next night I sat as a women repeated me to me all of the things I had been telling myself. All of the first things you read when you first opened this entry. 

She immediately pointed us to Galatians 6:3. 

Boom. In your face, Tisha. 

"If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves."

For weeks, I've been discouraged and tired of sharing my/our story. I'm out of words. I don't feel worthy enough to share. I don't feel polished enough to speak to people about it. I'm tired of "being inspiring." I've been on my knees begging for a break from "the grind." 

And then I heard an angel (who is also named Natalie) speak directly to me: "Share your story. Speak your truth. You were saved to save. You were blessed to bless. You were loved to love. There are people only you can reach." 

Boom. Again. 

Ok, God. I'm willing. I will stop deceiving myself. I will look past myself in order to go out in the world and grab what you have for me. I hear You.

The grind is tiring. The grind isn't easy. It's always harder when you get deep into the middle of it all. It never looks that hard when you start out and it always looks easier to those watching you.  I'm not trying to be inspiring most days. I'm just trying to get up and be sure the kids are taken care of and that we all eat and get enough sleep. My faith is solid, but just because of that doesn't mean I'm signed up for an easy life. 

Seven days ago I was in a much different place than I am in today. 

I'm listening. I'm stepping aside to let God in my boat because even if it's sinking, HE is there to carry me above the waves. 


I'm leaning into willingness. 
I'm leaning into prayer. 
I'm leaning into the word. 
I'm leaning into gratitude. 
I'm leaning into forgiveness. 
I'm leaning into praise. 
I'm leaning into His grace. 
I'm leaning into His love. 

I'm dropping all of the deceiving things I've been telling myself right at the feet of Jesus. He doesn't want me carrying those things around anyway. He didn't create me to be those things. He wants me just as I am. He wants me to embrace me so that I can fly the way He always intended. 

xoxox

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Worry --Joy

5:00 AM - I woke up overwhelmed with worry. I couldn't go back to sleep. 
5:30 AM - After 30 minutes of talking to God and repeating scripture in my head, I snuggled up to Jason and just cried, then we prayed together. 
6:00 AM- I decided to just simply ask for prayer on FB and twitter. 

Wednesdays are always big days for us. It use to be every Wednesday. Now it's just a few Wednesdays a month. They DO become routine in our minds, but actually going through them is a different story. I mentally start preparing the day before which makes it hard to concentrate on anything else.

There's nothing routine about your child having to have chemo, a lumbar puncture, or stay in a clinic for most of the day. 

I DO worry about a multitude of things, but usually only for a millisecond until I redirect my thought process. 

This morning was different. I knew last night that anxieties were high around our house. They always are when Jace goes in for a big day, even in maintenance. My instinct was to let Avery miss school and go with us. I had no idea why. 

This morning was different. I don't wake up often with such heavy worry surrounding me, but it was engulfing me so that I woke up because of it. 

SO I stopped and sent out this specific prayer request:

Specific prayer for Jason & I today: for the worries we have (finances, girls, jobs, this day with Jace) to be overtaken by complete faith and trust. This struggle is real and I have no doubt we are being molded for something else, but YOUR prayers and HIS grace sustain us and hold us up. #gratitude

By 6:30, I began feeling better and feeling like I could get up and tackle whatever was in store. We did let Avery miss school and go with us. She has a spirit that calms Jace and makes him do things with more ease - like putting on numbing cream on the places that will be "poked" or going back to the "sleepy room." She is such a warrior herself because the things we did today, however "routine," are still difficult to just watch from the sidelines. She learned what a lumbar puncture is and why we do them and how cancer cells like to "hide" out around the spinal cord. 

That alone could keep me in a place of worry.

BUT

Just like He always has, God took our worries and transformed them into JOY. 

A great friend dropped off lunch for us after her bible study. 

We got to see our Children's Legacy family - ALL of them: nurses, drs, families, patients!

We laughed A LOT today. 

We had some divine appointments that we know God had all planned out. 

We had Operation Love bags delivered to Dallas today! 

We were contacted by some amazing people for some small, yet amazing opportunities. 

Those opportunities are just reminders to us that God has a MUCH bigger plan for us than we have for ourselves. 

MANY, MANY of you are praying for us and lifting our family up. 

We decided to try to start a BIG movement called #yellowWednesdays for #childhoodcancerawareness. (we hope you will join us to support all the families affected!)

Pete Delkus and John McCaa  (WFAA8) RT our tweet about #yellowWednesdays! 

We had a carpet picnic dinner and watched The Middle (our favorite family show). 

Pete Delkus briefly talked about Jace and our family during the 5 pm news on WFAA. (we missed it) 

We heard that the last line of that broadcast was "NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!" 

This morning I woke up with overwhelming worry. 

Tonight, I sign off and go to bed with overwhelming joy.

Friends supporting Super Jace!
(including Jody Dean, Pete Delkus, John McCaa)

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Knowing

I knew. 

There may be some reading this with doubts, but I knew Jace had #leukemia before the doctors and the blood test confirmed it. The weeks and months leading up to January 26, 2013 were a time for God to prepare my heart, mind, and faith. I had A LOT of "talks" with God and somehow I just knew cancer would change our lives. I did the bargain prayer. I did the questioning: We've been through this, and this, and this, but do we really have to do this now, too?

My conversations with God would read something like a Francine River's novel. 

I knew something in our lives would change. I just didn't know exactly what. 

10:20 pm the night of Jan 26th: I knew we had to get him to the dr immediately. I knew I would have to wake him from his sound sleep. In my core, I knew we didn't have a lot of time. As we drove the tollway to Children's Hospital in Plano, I reviewed the last few hours. 

"Jason, I know you will think I'm crazy, but I'm certain Jace has leukemia." 

"Take him to Children's immediately. Do not wait." Every medically qualified person we talked to or texted from 8 pm - 10 pm told us this after we explained his symptoms. 

As I texted 5 people, praying someone was awake to come stay with our girls (Thank you, Shelsea), I was also packing and instructing Jason to pack for all of us for at least a week. 

I wish now I'd been more sympathetic to his confused look when I told him that. There wasn't time, though, and even my head was spinning out of control at what our life would look like now. 

"He has these bruises here and the spots on his face and in his mouth that have worsened since we left our house."

It took about 1 second for us to get ushered back for the nurse to weigh Jace and check his temperature and than only about 1 more second to get us to a room and then maybe 2 seconds for the ER doctor to come. 

If you've ever visited the emergency room, you know that's not how things usually roll. 

As the doctor checked him and we held him down screaming and crying to take his blood, I knew. 

When the doctor came back in and said.......

Well,  you know what he said. Even the nurse was crying FOR us through her apology. I felt so bad for her. 

Jason dropped to his knees. 

[from Jason: "It was the scariest moment of my life. Through everything I've experienced nothing has even come close to what I felt that night. Your whole world comes crashing down. Everything you prayed for, you realize it could be taken away in an instant. Fear set in, but faith overcame. I'm so thankful for everyone who was there for us in the instant our lives changed."]

Through my tears, I nodded my head and said, "Now what?" 

The wee hours of the morning after that are not a blur. I can tell you pretty much every detail. 

I remember Jace crying as they strapped him down again, this time to the bed in order to be transported by the ambulance to Dallas Children's. 

I remember the faces of the ambulance drivers. I remember just as we loaded up, the oncology doctor ran to me and with tears and smiles said, "I'm 99% sure it's A.L.L."

Jason needed gas in the car, yet also needed desperately to follow the ambulance. I hated that we were all separated from each other. The first of many, many times. 

In the ambulance ride, from my phone I worked ravenously to set up his Caring Bridge. I knew when the sun came up, we would be overwhelmed with love, prayers and messages. 

I remember every person who dropped their Sunday plans to be by our side. I remember having to sit with the girls and tell them "Jace has leukemia." I remember planning every detail of that moment for them so they knew they were supported and loved and would be taken care of no matter what our days brought. 

In the ICU room we were assigned, we were overwhelmed by a zillion doctors asking us to repeat how we got there. 

It was also in that room after a group of men came early that morning that I saw with my own eyes the power of prayer. Hours after their visit, Jace's counts started leveling off so that he was able to leave the ICU AND the Dallas hospital and have his port surgery and treatment in Plano. This was the first of MANY answered prayers. 

We were in Dallas only 7 hours. They expected him to be there much longer. 

God is good. Every time in my life that felt like He wasn't, He proved to me that if I only trust in Him, all will be ok. ALL of that stuff I'd experienced before was only proof of why I should trust Him in all things. He never failed me, never left me. 

I knew this was no different. I knew that Jace was just as precious to Him as he was to me. 

The only control we have over anything in this life is over our attitude, our faith, and our love. 

Many days and many nights our only survival was our faith. 

Today, we know we will never be as we were before January 2013. We won't respond to people or situations the way we did before. We won't waste time worrying or fretting over what could happen. We won't take any day for granted. 

We will love abundantly. 

We are thankful in all things. 
We are thankful for 2013 and all it brought into our lives: good and bad. 

We will savor these precious moments in time with our family. 

We choose to focus on helping others who are where we've been.

We choose faith over fear. 

We know that is the only way to live. 

xoxo

Faces of #ChildhoodCancer

We promised to show you some amazing kids and if you've been following Grace for Jace, you've been seeing our kid spotlights every few days! 

As you know, life is super busy and to blog in two different places is truly a miracle. :P

We decided to post our kid spotlights along with their blurb and the place you can learn more about their story! 

This Ashley and Austin. They are both #heroes in our eyes and are symbols of #HOPE to us each day.

Ashley was diagnosed with (ALL) #Leukemia in Sept 2007 when she was 3 years old and completed treatment during kindergarten (2009.) 

Austin was diagnosed with (ALL) #Leukemia in July 2010 and finished treatment this month! 

This is Karly! She holds a special place in our hearts as we were there in the days cancer changed her family. At 14, she was diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma. She's had two reoccurrences since her first treatment and endured several surgeries. Today, she is 19 and stable with 2 spots on her lungs that are not growing. Her phrase is "Keep Calm and Carry On" and that's exactly what she is doing!  www.caringbridge.org/visit/karly

Jace and Kieran have become "super" friends during their time at the clinic. Kieran is 2 and just one week ahead in the same treatment as Jace. He's one of the sweetest boys we've met and ALWAYS brightens our days. Here's Kieran's story!

Our family met Trent at Dallas Children's in June riding the halls just as you see here! 

Trenton was diagnosed on January 2, 2013 with Stage IV, high risk Neuroblastoma (n-mync amp) two weeks before his 1st birthday. Trenton had tumors in his adrenal gland, lymph nodes, bone marrow, and bones.

Trenton is now 20 months old and is NED (no evidence of disease). He's undergone 8 rounds of chemotherapy, 4 surgeries, bone marrow transplant, numerous hospital stays and 12 rounds of radiation.

He has scans the week of September 23rd. Trenton will begin antibody therapy/immunotherapy during October which will last for 6 months.

Please follow Trenton's story here:https://www.facebook.com/pages/Team-TRENT/524873370878641?ref=br_tf

Phoebe 
There's not enough days/weeks in September to spotlight all that are affected by childhood cancer.

Today, we ask for you to pray for a very special family with a very special girl. Phoebe's dad went to HS with Jason. 
You'll want to catch up on Phoebe's story here:
https://www.facebook.com/PrayForPhoebe



We ask that you "adopt" a family and a child every September and that you follow their story, get to know their family and continue to lift them up with love and prayer! 

As always.....

In gratitude,
Tisha

...A child will lead

We talk a lot in our family about being a leader and how important leadership is in life. 

We never expected our 3 year old to be the one leading US during the most difficult time of his life. 

On a rare occasion I was able to capture this moment. He often gathers us up for prayers, in addition to our morning affirmation and nighttime prayers. He speaks very quietly and clasps his hands together like this. 

It IS the most amazing thing to watch. His faith and his heart for The Lord is such an inspiring thing to witness. 

I am humbly honored to be his mom! 

Xoxox

Tisha 

Less You, More God

Today I’m sounding off. I’ve been pretty silent in the last week. Life has been busy. December is always busy. Birthday parties to plan and throw, gifts to buy, gifts to wrap, gifts to give teachers, class parties to attend, work luncheons to contribute to and then there’s sleeping and eating, too. :) 

For me, December 14 has always been a special day. 12 years ago on that day I was sitting in the hospital during one of the biggest ice storms in the area. I spent most of my day gazing at my very first, sweet baby girl after several long hours of pain and finding out exactly what I was made of (strength). 

This year was a big year for her: middle school, school dances, a friend who’s a boy (*wink*), and her biggest sleepover in a while. It was big enough for me to take the day off from work, so I could prep the house, run to the store, and get things all set up for 6 tweens to take over. 

Mid-day, I happened to turn on the news and saw the reports out of Connecticut. At that moment I made a very set decision. I turned off the television and continued on about my day. 

“I can’t.” I said to myself. 

I could not spend the day listening to the reports,  details, and repetitive way reporters described it all. I had to be in the moment and present for my girl and her friends who would come through the door giggling and asking me to do their hair for the dance that night. “I couldn’t” because seeing those sweet precious faces only brought back my own memories of losing the special 6 year old boy in my life.

After the whirlwind of the tween party, we re-centered ourselves to go take our yearly family photos. I did not turn on the radio stations nor did I turn on the television. I stayed in the moment while we laughed and enjoyed our time together. I stayed in the moment as we had lunch together and as we all snuggled up for a nap which we all so desperately needed. 

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. He love endures forever.” ~Psalm 136: 1-26

The next day we were up early to go see Santa and have another meal together. I was present and grateful and full of thanks for each moment I’d been allowed to experience. I ran down the sidewalk with the kids, took them to the shops they pulled me into, and remembered that each moment, whether it’s what I expect or want is a gift. 

“Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking around life - and place it as an offering.” ~Romans 12:1-2

Sunday afternoon, when I finally had some time to sit I decided to scroll through Facebook and Twitter. 

BIG MISTAKE. 

People all over were voicing their opinions, their political stances, their fear, their doubt, their questions, reposting pictures, poems and articles. 

Maybe it’s just because I know tragedy. Maybe it’s because I saw my parents go through the painful process of losing their own child. Maybe it’s because of my own experience that I was so angry at how everyone the last week seemed to make the tragedy about them.

Everywhere I looked someone was talking about it, discussing it, debating it, or detailing the events. I guess that is human nature.  I guess it helps them cope. 

But ... I just ..... couldn’t. 

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve prayed for those families, that situation, and every single person affected by the event. I, purposefully, read the names of each sweet child & educator and prayed, specifically, for their families by name. 

 “Pray without ceasing.” ~1 Thessalonians 5:17

But I refuse to buy into everything the media throws out at me. I refuse to keep the television/radio on. I refuse to discuss it with my 7 year old just because everyone else might be and am thankful that her school didn’t decide to have discussion about it on Monday. If she asks, I always answer honestly with the least amount of details given. If she doesn’t, then who am I to take away her innocence and sense of security away? There’s enough of that going on in this world. 

I refuse to live in fear. I refuse to debate politics and gun control. I refuse to dwell on tragedy, or obsess over every article or story out there. I refuse to allow myself to be on “auto pilot”  and not take control of what I see or hear. Just because it is on or in front of me doesn’t mean my ears or eyes need to see it. 

“Be very careful, then how you live...” ~Ephesians 5:15

I’m not afraid to send my kids to school each day. I know down to my core that every single person caring for them would do everything humanly possible to keep them safe. I know that there is a hedge of protection around each of them and that no matter what happens, my God is in control, not me. 

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” ~Joshua 1:9

I, personally, know about living in fear. I, personally, know about questioning and doubting. I, also, personally know that it gets us nowhere. 

“I have told you these things so that in my you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

If we want the world to be a better place, it’s up to US to make it that sort of place. You job is to bless: 

Love more, hate less. 

Encourage more, criticize less. 

Give more, take less.

Do more, watch less. 

Pray more, complain less. 

Less YOU. More GOD. 

“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” ~ 1 Peter 3:8

xoxoxo
xoxo
xo
Tisha