Become Thankful in 40 Days

9 years ago I sat in my car realizing that the world around me was more negative than I ever expected. I was going through a difficult time and had a revelation that I did not have to join in the negativity of the crowd. I decided to start a movement that started within me first. I began posting my gratitude on social media. One day turned into two and so on until I was at the end of 40 days. 

If this sounds like a place that you're coming from, keep reading. . . 

A question I continue to ask of my family and my students is this: Are you using the power of social media to help or hinder those around you? 

In those early years of #40days, I didn't blog about my experience and I wish I had. The transformation within me is what helped me get through some of my worst days and years. 

My first blog (40 is all you need) talks about changing the world with an attitude that isn't driven by the issues and struggles in your life. 

My second blog (Grab Gratitude) tells exactly how 40 Days of Thankfulness was birthed and how one single declaration a day can help change your attitude altogether. 

You can visit my past blogs to read about Maria's gratitude story , how 40 Days WILL Change You, and my perspective on gratitude in the middle of our childhood cancer days with #superJace. 

I started this blog based on my belief that gratitude is one of the most powerful keys to living life to the fullest. 

You cannot and will not grow until you take time to stop and breathe out a moment of gratitude. 

40 Days of Thankfulness is simply about cleansing your mind and detoxing yourself from the negative, toxic thoughts, comparison to others,  bitterness, unforgiveness, low self-esteem, focus on lack or dwelling on mistakes. 

I cannot promise you it will be easy. 

It will not. 

Every single year within the 40 days, something I have struggled with has been revealed. Every single year, I've had to stretch myself to overcome a situation or a thought that has had power over me. 

When you commit yourself to take 40 days to declare even the smallest gratitude you will begin teaching yourself to live a new level and will change your heart and your life in the process. 

So, how does #40days work? 

You choose where to document your thankful. You can write it in a journal (as shown below). 

You can post it on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram (don't forget to include hashtag #40days) If you're a SnapChat user, you can also snap it to your story so that your friends see it. 

The idea is to declare one gratitude per day. Some days you may have what we call a "bonus gratitude" or an extra good day where you want to acknowledge your blessing. 

Eventually your friends will start asking what you're up to, that's when you'll share this page with them and have them join you, too! https://www.facebook.com/40daysofthankfulness/ 

{They do not have to have facebook to see this public page.}

In years past to get the kids involved, we've bought a large poster frame, thrown on some chalkboard spray paint and let them use chalkboard markers to declare their own gratitude. They LOVE makers and seeing the board after 40 days with thankfulness in their own handwriting is fun for all of us and a good conversation started for visitors.  

                     

            
 
           

You could also write your daily thankful on some pretty scrapbook paper strips and add it to a jar to go back through and read later. 

There is no right or wrong way to do this. However, writing it down is imperative to your success. 

You will want to stop.

Like anything that grows you, you will want to resist it. You will come up with every excuse in the book. 

"I had a long day. I was too tired. I didn't have time. This day had nothing good in it. I can't think of anything. I didn't feel well enough. The kids kept me too busy. I was out late."

Look, I know. I KNOW. 

But you have to push through those days and moments. 

Join the Facebook Page we've created for you! Accept and "Go" the current year's 40 Days of Thankfulness event. You will have support there and many gratitude friends to cheer you on. 

The event page will list for you the days we've set aside to start and end, but if you want to start immediately, DO IT! :) 

The ending date is intentionally set so that you will end your 40 days the week of Thanksgiving. 

Now,  prepare your mind for these next 40 days! 

#40days

https://www.facebook.com/40daysofthankfulness/

Do Something. Do Anything. 4% Isn't Enough.

*updated September 2017

For all the days of my life, I'll be an advocate for childhood cancer. 

Jace looks normal now and most people will forget his journey eventually, but his 4 years of treatment have changed everything for us. 

We will never be the same. 

We will never look at life the same. 

There's not much left to say that I haven't already said, but there's so much left to do. 

4% of funding is all our kids are getting for childhood cancer. 

Meanwhile, because it's more profitable for drug companies, breast cancer gets $584 million. 

How can that NOT resonate with you? 

We can talk about how sad it is that 36 kids are diagnosed with cancer each day. 

We can cry because we feel and see the pain they and their families go through. 

We can look away  because for some it's just too much to handle. 

OR we can do something. 

Anything. 

• Give up your Starbucks for the month and give all of the money saved to one of the organizations listed below. 

• Buy a T-shirt to wear to bring awareness. 

• If you run, sign up to run as a St. Jude hero or something similar. 

• Shave your head with St. Baldrick's. 

I'm always churning ideas in my head to make an impact. 

We will offer you at least TWO ways, locally, for you to make a difference and GO GOLD in September for Super Jace and kids like him. 

Just because Jace's treatment phase is over doesn't mean we will stop teaching, leading, and showing others why 4% ISN'T ok. 

Nothing will change if all we do is sit and wish the reality was different. 

No one in power will change anything unless WE make them see why this isn't ok. 

I hope you'll join our family this month and choose to do at least one thing to create change. 

Childhood Cancer Donation List

  We cannot say enough about many of these organizations. Most of them have directly impacted our lives. (I've placed a * beside the ones we've directly benefitted from.)

We share them with you in good conscience that they are doing what they say they will do with your monetary donations. 

Visit Charity Navigator to view efficiencies & financial information for many major charities:

http://www.charitynavigator.org

National

Cure Search

http://www.curesearch.org

Triumph Over Kid Cancer

http://triumphoverkidcancer.org

The St. Baldrick’s Foundation

http://www.stbaldricks.org

Alex's Lemonade Stand

http://www.alexslemonade.org

Lighthouse Family Retreat *

https://lighthousefamilyretreat.org

Local - Texas

Team Connor

http://teamconnor.org

Heroes for Children

http://www.heroesforchildren.org

Silver Dollar At The Ranch *

http://www.silverdollarattheranch.com

Make A Wish *

http://wish.org

http://ntx.wish.org

Hope Kids *

https://www.hopekids.org

Peach's Neet Feet *

https://peachsneetfeet.com

1 Million 4 Anna

www.1million4anna.org

Off Treatment Means It's Over, Right?!

Look. We will be the first to tell you that we know many are tired and worn of hearing about Jace and cancer. We know people talk negatively about it and maybe even talk negatively about us. In the last three and half years, we've had it happen more times that we'd like to admit from people we've loved and thought were for us. 

We did not ask to be put in the middle of this disease and did not ask to have to miss out on so many "normal" everyday moments. We know that many care so much for Jace and maybe care not-so-much for the rest of us. That definitely comes with this territory as we've recently learned.

However, I'm fully confident that someone, including us, is learning some sort of lesson surrounding all of the above. Maybe the lesson is grace or compassion. Maybe the lesson is holding your tongue more and giving out love in lieu of criticism and judgement. The lesson might even be to find joy even when joy isn't anywhere in sight.  We've, personally, learned lessons in trust, discernment, and extending undeserving grace. 

Today as we embark on a new season, our family stands together moving slowly into a new normal while many around us will not understand the emotions and complications of this new life we are living. 

Tomorrow Jace will get his port removed. We are joyous that he will be able to experience life without it. We are excited that a small fever won't mean a rushed trip to the ER. But no matter how faithful we are, we are still human. We still pray everyday that he is cured, we ask for healing from his head to his toes, we cry out victory over his life and we hope with everything we have that he will spend many, many, many joyous and fun years living life to the fullest. We constantly have to put our faith over our fear now. 

Cancer/Leukemia will always be part of who we are. We will talk about it. We will be passionate about it. We will work to raise money for families affected by it and for research to cure it. It is intertwined into all of our individually unique life stories. 

For that reason, I will continue to give you a small peek into our perspective in the current moment. 

Our new challenges are different, but equally as daunting some days.  

One of the challenges is getting people to understand that just because Jace is off treatment and has his port removed that everything is as normal for us as it is at their house.  "Cured" in our case usually isn't used until several years off of therapy. 

Another challenge is helping others understand that many of the side effects of the many medicines that flowed through his body will not show up right away. Often learning difficulties or educational challenges take some time to show up, but we have friends ahead of us on this path and have confirmed classroom struggles that were not present before.  We've also had friends tell of unempathetic teachers or administrators who refuse to keep the kids who are off-treatment on their 504 plans while in the classrooms. (NOT in our district) As an educator, my heart so goes out to these kids and families who are struggling themselves to adjust to a new normal and still help those around them understand that "this isn't exactly over." 

Some effects do show up right away. The rash that he battles all over his body that could take up to a YEAR to go away is something we didn't even think about until now. His legs and muscles still ache and hurt and his bones are still weak. He still gets exhausted like before. 

I won't even bore you with the financial or emotional burdens we face everyday. We aren't unlike the majority of people in the world. 

There are days that we still cry overcome by the emotion of it all and moments that we feel like we can't breathe because this journey was hard. And because it was hard and we had to work everyday to keep lifting our face to our faith, we are now trying to relearn who we are now, what we like, what our relationships can be while not being surrounded by chemo. 

Off-treatment, monthly checkups and no port IS a great season to be in, but like anything else it, too, comes with it's challenges and lessons and as long as we get to do that along side of this sweet face, we will be good. 


xoxoxo

September - Childhood Cancer "We Don't Fight Alone"

We are excited about September because this is the month we can be EXTRA LOUD about voicing our support for kids like Jace and reminding others how important childhood cancer awareness is to all of the kids & families affected. We try to give you a glimpse into what families like us experience and all the challenges that pop up along the journey.

This year we not only have a donation list for you again, but we also will be selling t-shirts to honor both Childhood Cancer Awareness and Super Jace.

There are LOTS of ways to support children who have cancer and their families. We don't ask that you do them all, but that you AT LEAST share our story with those you meet and bring awareness for just how many kids are affected each day.

>>WEAR YOUR SUPPORT <<

We've partnered with Kathryn over at Dash of Flair and created a special Childhood Cancer tee that reminds us all that "We Don't Fight Alone" and that everyday 43 kids are diagnosed with childhood cancer.

$4 from each shirt will go to the fund of your choice: Team Connor Or The Jace Poncio Medical Fund.

Kathryn will be taking pre-orders starting now. Please click here to grab your shirt! You can also email her at ShopDashofFlair@yahoo.com for questions.

Shirt sizes 3XL and 2XL...........$25

Sizes S, M, L, XL.......................$20

Youth S, M, L..............................$20

Kids 2T, 3T, 4T, 5/6, 7..............$20

We have also teamed up again with fellow co-worker, Carol Lynn and her husband, to bring back the original blue Super Jace t-shirts. We know you've ALL been asking for them for the longest time and that time is now!!!

We've created a pre-order form for you, also. 

Just click this link and fill in your information: http://goo.gl/forms/uWPfv12u5I

Questions can be sent to onthewingsofgratitude@gmail.com

All shirts $20

* For shipping, add $5

>>SUPPORT WITH YOUR TIME<<

We also will be working with our local high school and St. Baldricks to bring more awareness to schools. Be watching our social media sites or here for more information regarding this effort. We are working hard to get information out to you as soon as we've ironed out the details.

In addition, we've been asked to be part of a few events coming up in October including the local health fair put on by the City of Celina which will include a walk.

We will also be working with Team Conner (listed below) and their Color Me Green 5K and Caterpillar Dash.

Please be watching our social media feeds, Jace's page and our personal pages for more information so you can mark your calendar!

>>DONATE YOUR SUPPORT<<

And as always we encourage you to donate ANY amount of money to the organizations listed below. The government only gives 5% of funding to childhood cancers. Our children are our future and should be taken care of better than this.

As always we thank you for your continued support, love and prayers.

~The Poncios

Childhood Cancer Donation List

**direct money only to childhood cancer related causes, primarily research

If you'd like to, specifically, help a family whose child is currently undergoing treatment, please email us for more information. onthewingsofgratitude@gmail.com   

Visit Charity Navigator to view efficiencies & financial information for many major charities:

http://www.charitynavigator.org

National

Cure Search

http://www.curesearch.org

Triumph Over Kid Cancer

http://triumphoverkidcancer.org

The St. Baldrick’s Foundation

http://www.stbaldricks.org

Alex's Lemonade Stand

http://www.alexslemonade.org

Local - Texas

Team Connor

http://teamconnor.org

Heroes for Children

http://www.heroesforchildren.org

Sarcoma specific:

Liddy Shriver Sarcoma Initiative

http://sarcomahelp.org

1 Million 4 Anna

www.1million4anna.org

OTHER

Make A Wish

http://wish.org

http://ntx.wish.org

Hope Kids

https://www.hopekids.org

Kenna's Kids

http://www.kennaskids.org

Peach's Neet Feet

https://peachsneetfeet.com

Lighthouse Family Retreat

https://lighthousefamilyretreat.org

Struggle is Real

This struggle is real. The journey is long. I'm imperfect and vulnerable.

I've been doing my best to be as candid as possible during this journey with Jace and his leukemia treatment, but it is proving to be harder and harder. And since I'm working through all of that it's best to do that here, in my own space. 

I will update on Jace's treatment and progress and all of the cool things he gets to do (Make A Wish & Kenna's Kids) on his Caring Bridge & FB later this week. So, if you follow there, be watching. 

But here I am working out everything on my heart and mind and trying to keep all of that separate for those that just want to hear about Jace. 

Here's some of what's been in my head lately: 

*Our struggle is definitely not as difficult as others' & they deserve more help/love than we do. 

*I don't want to be grateful in this moment. 

*I'm making a bigger/smaller deal of this journey than I should be.  

*I'm so much more than just "Super Jace's Mom." 

*Where do I belong now? 

This journey doesn't get easier.

 If you've been my friend BEFORE cancer then you know gratitude is at the heart of my spirit. 

This struggle is real. The journey is long. I'm imperfect and vulnerable. 

Earlier this week, the girls convinced me to take them to see the movie "The Fault in Our Stars." 

WHY? We are living this life and don't need to see someone else make it what it's not. 

Movies like this, that try to give other people a view into some kind of lifestyle, are typically FAR from reality. 

This one is not any different than the others. 

I'm sure there are some parts that triggered tears from those who have lived this cancer life. 

I was not one of them. 

Maybe it's because I've cried enough tears in the last few years over this journey to meet my movie-crying quota forever. 

Maybe it's because I've watched other families lose their children to cancer and saw how real and raw that pain is. 

Maybe it's because the reality of cancer was not what was staring back at me on the screen. 

Maybe it's because I know that Hollywood and most of the real world is afraid of seeing the reality cancer has on patients and families. It's easier to make everyone look pretty and have it all end in a neatly packaged, scripted 120 minute movie. 

Then, everyone can get up, walk away from the theatre and go back to living their lives with blinders on. 

That's easier. 

I get that. 

I get it. But I'm not living it.

This journey can do a number on your mind and heart and relationships. I've said before how isolating it is and how alone it makes you feel and it is still true. 

It's so much easier to just stay in our safe place all together than go out and try to be "normal." 

And while easier, we do our very best to continue to feel the fear and do it anyway. We know that God has given us this journey for a reason far bigger than we know. 

When I get tired of speaking or telling our story, I'm reminded that God wants us to share the struggles as well as the victories.

I'm reminded that I AM worthy of love and help. 

I'm reminded how being grateful in all things can change your heart even in the toughest times.

I'm humbled by His grace and how out of a thousand people if just one comes forward and says that our story or our faith has helped them in some way, that was His purpose. 

Thank you, Lord, for this day. 
I will rejoice and be glad in in it. 
I will not have a spirit of fear because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 
I am anointed, highly favored and incredibly blessed. 
I will feel the fear and do it anyway. 
I will be a light bringer, an honor giver and I will make someone feel awesome, not awful. 
I was meant to serve, be thankful in all circumstances and elevate my thinking, being and doing and I will do that today. 
Amen. 

PTS and Childhood Cancer

**Note: I wanted to add that because these 2 things aren't researched or TALKED About much, even to us, the stages of trauma with any chronic illness is probably different along the way. I'm only writing from our perspective now.

First off, I just want to say that if you've never gone through cancer treatment (or another chronic illness) with your child AND have never had a true anxiety attack, you just can't know how they both impact daily life. 

I've been through traumatic stuff in my life before and I've struggled with a little anxiety off and on. 

I've learned how to cope with it and found what works best for me: 

*working out

*praying

*reading

*surrounding myself with positive, uplifting people

*scheduling time alone

*careful planning of my day
*not a lot of noise and crowds

When we first started on this journey I began doing my own research about links between Post Traumatic Stress and Childhood Cancer. There's not a lot out there, but everything I found revealed that it is real. 

I've blogged before (here and here) about anxiety and how we are seeing it present itself more and more in our lives so many days after the initial panic-cancer-is-here-why-did-this-happen phase. 

However, nothing

NOTHING

NOTHING

prepared me for what I experienced earlier this week. 

I've noted before that after long periods away from the clinic we've seen anxieties in both Jace and the girls. We've also felt them ourselves. 

We knew that Wednesday was going to be long and we'd have to get into our "zone" to get through it. 

About a day before treatment, there is always a mist of anxiety blanketed over all of us. 

The thing is everyone (almost everyone) thinks all is pretty much back to normal or at least routine now that we only go in once a month. 

Maddie has said her friends struggle with understanding why it's all still even a deal at all. 

Avery usually wears her heart on her sleeve so anyone around her knows this topic makes her sensitivity heightened. 

Jace seems to cry more easily about small things. He is more clingy. His appetite is almost zero ( some par for the course). 

Jason and I usually cope in our own ways. Extra workouts, extra prayers.....

Yesterday started off normal enough. Nothing big happened. Looking back and reflecting, I know I didn't make enough time to read my daily devotional, didn't play Air1 while getting ready, didn't arm myself like I typically do. These are small intentional things I do, and now I know they really DO help! 

I got to my meeting and tried to balance myself. (note: Didn't stop at my office to breathe, check email, or acclimate myself like normal.) 

I started reading email and realized sweet Avery was getting an award and because it was Wednesday we wouldn't be able to see that. 

This Wednesday meant a lumbar puncture, ivig infusion, benadryl, tylenol, and a pentam breathing treatment. 

That triggered how much I hate cancer and chemo and how many moments it has tried to steal in 485 days. 

Then, the words "Maybe one of you can go with Jace and the other can stay here with Avery." (no. just no. both of us like being there when we can because we know it will be a long day and the toll on us will be less if we are together)

All of that happened in a 2 minute time span as my heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, I started sweating, and feeling like I was going to pass out. 

I needed to run! 

I gathered my things and barely made it back to my office before I just lost it. 

There was no warning. No insight that there would even be a trigger.

You can't plan that. I can pray and pray for those attacks to be alleviated or completely gone, but in that moment all I could do was breathe and escape. 

Everyone is full of advice about anxiety, but it's not as easy as being grateful, relaxing,  breathing or praying. You KNOW I'm already doing all of that. Anyone who has experienced a true attack, then you know if it were that easy you'd not be having them. 

Here's the article I posted (thanks, Candi!) on the last blog about PTS and #childhoodcancer: (http://bit.ly/1nS6JGy)

Be aware that those you know fighting an already difficult battle are also dealing with this. Are they dealing with ALL of that? Probably not. But PTS is REAL. 

*Note: This video is only to show the daily struggles of simple things we took for granted before. Taking off his band aids can sometimes take at least 30 minutes because he doesn't want us to touch them and he doesn't like the sound they make coming off. 

We've noticed changes in Jace's fears and his need for a sense of constant security and consistency. Any small change triggers immediate fear and anxiety for him and I've learned how to read his cues. 


For me, here are some things that have changed: 

I find that I want to avoid crowds more than before. 

I find more comfort in one-on-one situations instead. 

I would rather stay home than go out. 

Trusting people is harder than before. 

^^^^

All of that is not gonna help me grow and I KNOW this. I'm growing through it and super in-tune with what helps. 

After sharing about my anxiety attack on FB, my sweet friend, 

Sherry said "It's refreshing to know you're human." 

I am HUMAN. You just don't know how human I am. 

*Pull up a chair and pour some coffee*

I'll keep sharing my journey with all of it's struggles, victories, laughter and tears because I know someone else out there needs to hear they are not alone and it's ok to be vulnerable. 

I'll keep doing the thing I know works for me: praying and writing. 

I should be doing all of that anyway. :)