What Do You Need?

It's usually the same 25 or so people that check in on us and ask "What do you need?" or "How can I help?"  We wish we had a good answer for them. Thankfully, when something crazy comes up like it has the last week with Jace ( update here )  we have a strong support of people around us lifting us up, praying for us, and bringing us meals. 

The past few weeks have definitely thrown us off of our regular routine. One with a concussion, one in the hospital, and then one sick all at the same time wasn't what we expected to be dealing with right now. 

There are many things we are thankful for aside from the strong circle surrounding us. 
It's not a coincidence that I'm in the middle of my 8th year of doing the 40 Days of Thankfulness Challenge. Last year, I had just lost my mom, had to put my dad in a nursing home and had to literally, pick up pieces of their life that were unprepared for all of that change. 
The year before we landed in the hospital with Jace for a 14 day isolation stay. 
I could go on and on. Bottom line is that every time I work at growing my gratitude, I'm greatly challenged to not be thankful. 

Jason and I don't know exactly what our lesson is this time around, but we know there is one. 
We, typically, don't know how to respond when people ask what we need or how they can help. 

Some days it all weighs so heavy on our shoulders. Some days we are too tired to even think. Some days we just want to give up the fight. Some days we just don't know. 

Many of the things that need to be done or taken care of have to be done by us: changing IV, giving meds, driving to the clinic, dealing with work not truly understanding our situation, and sleeping :) 

We WISH that others could do some of those things, but for whatever reason this is our thing to follow God through. 

We aren't giving up, but our hearts are heavy, we are worn, we are tired and most days we are just crying out to him with anything we have left.......

~t

Honor

Norma Rushing

October 19, 1945 - October 3, 2014

I've been silent on my blog for a while. A few months ago I got word that my mom was sick and had decided to go home on hospice care after a long hospital stay. We all knew what that meant. We all knew that she'd struggled since before Jace got sick with her own health. What many did not know is the behind-the-scenes of my relationship with her. I tried to be very careful and respectful of her about our struggling relationship. 

Much of my life was spent trying to make that relationship exactly what we both wanted. It was difficult on both of us for a long, long time. Months before she got sick we had stopped talking. I know why she shut me out and I know that I was only coming from a loving, caring place. There were some toxic people talking to her telling her things that were untrue about my motives for visiting. I struggled weeks before she passed with deciding the right time to travel the 11 hours to see her; to say goodbye. I knew my visit would cause stress and didn't want my presence to create any tension. 

As God always does, I finally felt led to make that long journey. I knew it was time. 

Thursday, I drove with my cousin to visit. We were prepared for what we would experience. We'd both been bracing ourselves for the reality of the future. 

Thankfully, we both made it in time to tell her we loved her and to say goodbye. 

I will never forget that moment. I took her hand. I looked into her eyes and said "I love you." She nodded and raised her head closer to mine and said "I love you, too." I kissed her on the forehead and stroked her hair. 

We left Thursday night knowing that would be our last visit. We got the call the next morning that she was gone. 

I've been preparing myself for this for a long time.  I knew what this would mean for my family. My mom was the caretaker of both my brother and my dad. Without her, we knew they would both need things put in place for their care. 

Many of the things normal families discuss and put in place were not discussed at all. 

I've had a full range of emotions since the time I knew she only had months left. Anger, sadness, hope. . . 

The thing about both of us is that we both said exactly what was on our minds. We both lived different lives. We both approached pain and struggle differently. 

She tried so hard for many years to escape all the painful experiences she had, including my brother's death.

Here's what I read at her memorial earlier this week: 

Unfortunately, my dad is unable to be here today. He is struggling with Alzheimer's and is, currently, in the hospital in NM.

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creating, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

Romans 8:38

The moment right before my brother died was the very moment I realized just how loved I was. It was the moment I knew God was in the middle of everything we experience. Nothing can separate us from the love He has for us.

Everyone sitting here today is a testament of just how loved my mom and our family was.

Each one of us have different memories of her and had different experiences with her.

What you may not know is just like in any family there is the highlight reel and then the behind the scenes. My relationship with my mom was a difficult one. Like some of you here, I continued to try to reach out, love her, pour into her and remind her just how cared for she was.

My brothers death was a pivotal point in our family. My mom struggled very much to come to terms with that day. And though we have been lucky enough to still have our sweet Jace, I do know how difficult that journey was for her.

Those experiences can cause us to isolate ourselves from everyone and everything. It can cause us to believe no one cares and is just going on about their lives. 

Since that day I have prayed so very hard she would realize that abundant love. I'm choosing to believe the minute she was gone from this earth, she not only realized it but opened her arms and ran to it.

Thank u to each of you for your presence here today and for loving on my mom one last time. 

There were so many people that loved my mom and reached out to her often. Some got through and some didn't. It didn't make them love her any less, including me. It's been heartwarming to read and hear stories of how she helped others, made people laugh, or just made them feel special.

In this season of my life, cancer with Jace, losing my mom, losing my dad also in a sense, and being so far from my brother, some look at me from afar and probably say "Man, I'm glad that's not me!" 

I say, "THANK YOU, GOD! In this season, I'm closer to You. I am closer to Your miracles. I'm closer to others. Thank YOU for showing up every single time I've needed you and for leading me to honor not only my mother, but the life I have and, ultimately, You. " 

One thing my mom did for me every year was try to join my 40 Days of Thankfulness Challenge. We would love for you to join us this year! 

October 8 - November 16

www.facebook.com/40daysofthankfulness

RIP Mom. You and John-John are together again finally. <3 

Levels of Gratitude and Thanksgiving

One of the biggest misconceptions is that everyone's gratitude will look the same. That is the biggest downfall of practicing gratitude: comparison. 

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to speak with a group of church ladies. When I arrived, I had no idea that they were studying: Lord, Change MY ATTITUDE by James McDonald & Barb Pell 

The chapter just happened to be about gratitude. 

I love how God works all things together for our good. He even works out the smallest of details and if we are present and conscious enough we won't miss them. 

I can vividly take myself back to that moment in the small church that so much resembled the little church I grew up in. Their smiles, their stories, their hearts opened up so much love in my own heart. I was so glad I took my oldest daughter with me. We were able to share our mission of #OperationLove with them and to sit with them during their study of McDonald's book.

My biggest takeaway was this: Our gratitude cannot be compared because we are all on a different level on any given day. 

When we look into a mirror we see our own reflection. We do not look exactly like anyone else. We do not think like anyone else. We do not THANK like anyone else. 

"Faith grows in the soil of gratitude." 

Earlier today on https://www.facebook.com/40daysofthankfulness I posted this photo: 

This level of thankfulness is what we all want to achieve but just like we cannot go from kindergarten to college we cannot easily be thankful for the bad. 

It's easy to be thankful for the good. To be thankful IN the bad, THAT is what we all need to strive for daily. 

Some of us are on the "kindergarten" level of thankfulness. We are thankful when the good stuff happens, when it's Thanksgiving Day/Week, when we are reminded by others to be thankful for what we have, but mostly the feeling just isn't always there and we fall into complaint more often than we'd like to admit. 

Others of us are on the "high school" level of thankfulness. We are thankful and can make the choice to be thankful. We also can always find something to be  thankful for, but in the bad times we are, typically, tripped up and fall back into the "why me?" state of mind. 

To experience pure joy, we have to reach the collegiate level of thankfulness. "To give thanks always for all things." That's the goal. To be able to be thankful even in the bad things, even in the things you wouldn't choose - that's where the joy is. 

I'm often told "This isn't as easy as I thought. How do I find gratitude now? I just can't be where you are. I just don't know how you are being thankful while cancer is changing your life."

BUT I AM. 

Granted, I've had lots of practice. 

If you took time to read the journals shown here and were able to weed through all of the "boy nonsense," you'd be able to see that I have always tried to see the good in the worst situations. I could look at my life as a journey filled with the worst, but doing that only makes my present worse. As my journals become more recent, my gratitude comes out in full force and is much more apparent. I began seeing what was REALLY important and that put me on a spiritual journey that I'm still growing in. 

It did not happen overnight. Nothing ever does. It's all about being consistent. If you aren't good with consistent healthy eating, working out, spending, or prayer, then you can bet your consistency with gratitude will also need some work. 

You didn't graduate from kindergarten and immediately graduate from high school. You had a lot of work, practice and consistent accountability first. The same thing has to happen with your gratitude. 

Leave a journal by YOUR bed, leave a sticky note pad, keep a stack of 3 x 5 cards and every night before bed write down ONE thing you're thankful for EVERY night. That alone will take you to a new level of gratitude and change your attitude. 

If someone were to be able to see your thoughts, would they mostly see negative, unappreciative, and petty frustrations? Or would they see you being full of praise even during illness, loss, or struggle? 

In every moment, ask yourself: AM I CHOOSING THANKFULNESS NOW?

Gratitude isn't something I've "achieved." Gratitude is something I have to consciously choose every second just like the next person. I just know from a lifetime of experience that gratitude will ground you so that even tragic life-changing events cannot tear you down. 

And on that note, from my family to yours, we wish you the happiest of Thanksgiving Days filled with joys, laughter, and love even if it's in the midst of loud kids, dirty dishes, or lots of travel. 

"The smallest things really are BIG things." 

Love & gratitude,

40 Days of Thankfulness Challenge 2013

We want to, personally, invite you to join us for our annual thankfulness challenge! 

We can tell you from our experiences this year that gratitude can't change your circumstances BUT it CAN change your attitude and teach you to find the light in a dark situation. 

You can join via Facebook here: www.facebook.com/40daysofthankfulness 

Check the events page or see details below! U can do a personal journal, tweets, Instagram, FB status, or whatever works for you. 

We'd love to hear from you about how gratitude has changed YOUR life! 

Love & gratitude, 

Tisha

• Anywhere: Facebook status, twitter, Instagram, personal journal, notes app, whiteboard, text, email, phone call - whatever works best for you!

• **Start October 8, End November 16 ** Every October we join together and challenge ourselves to post, write, or SHARE and DECLARE one gratitude per day. We are on our 6th year and challenge you to invite your entire friends list to join us! This year is especially a big year for us as #childhoodcancer has changed our family and now we know for sure that grabbing #gratitude can't change your circumstance, but it CAN change your attitude! (You can read about our journey or follow here: www.caringbridge.org/visit/jaceponcio  www.facebook.com/graceforjace) We will throw in some specific challenges to get you really thinking and will also share some testimonials from those who've seen their lives and perspectives change as they worked through their 40 Days.  40 Days is really about cleansing your mind & heart and detoxing from the negative, toxic thoughts, bitterness, unforgivness of others or ourselves, low self esteem, focusing on lack, or dwelling on mistakes. If you're ready to GROW to your next level, this will help you jump start! Be ready, be open, be EXPECTING it to change your outlook and your life.  #40DaysofThankfulnessChallenge  #40DaysofThankfulness (tag your posts, pictures or tweets with this)