My Soul Weeps

I will always wonder who you would have been. 
What would you look like now? 
What would your favorite food be? 
What kind of music would you listen to? 
Would you be married? With kids? 
Would our family be closer because you stayed? 


Grief is a rollercoaster ride that you cannot get off.  Sometimes it slams into you without any warning. Other times the ride is slow enough that you can slightly open your eyes and look around.

My soul weeps because of grief. Strengthen me according to Your word. ~Psalm 119:28

Some years go by and I am able to make it through the anniversary week with only love and lots of comfort. 

Other years go by and that week is full of nightmares, flashbacks, and unanswered questions. 

This year I was not prepared for the grief that surrounded my heart. 

All I wanted to do was jump in the car and drive back to the last place I saw you. 

July 26, a day etched in my memory forever.

My memory plays the same scenes over and over and I do my best to overcome them. 

Watching you walk out the door, Knowing you wouldn't be back. Feeling paralyzed and scared, yet knowing without a doubt that God was there in that moment with all of us.
Seeing the cyclist riding by our house and realizing that his life was normal, but my life had just changed forever. 

My grief is not just for a brother I lost, but for a family, for a future that we didn't have, for parents who lost a son, for the realization that my innocent thoughts about life were taken way too soon. 

Maybe it's because I now realize that I could've lost my own son, too, just last year on January 26 (I'm not a fan of the #26). 

The thing about death and grief is that even after almost 30 years, I'm still consumed by grief some days. It's not as it was in the beginning. The pain has dulled over the years, but it's still present and hits me out of the blue. 

As this week went by and my subconscious knew what week it was, I decided to not be consumed by it. I gave myself a day. Then, I picked myself up and started making plans. 

I got my hair professionally colored for the first time. 
I made 2 dinner dates with friends. 
I spent more time laughing. 
I wrote down all of the good from the week. 
I surrounded myself with those who love me. 
I started some new projects. 
I reminded myself - I AM STRONG. 

Because even though this week (read brief story here) marked how long I've lived without you, I know that you would want me to LIVE LOUD and keep going. 

37 Gifts

*If you're looking for Operation Love, the blog, item list and details are found here. 

Today, 37 years ago I became a part of this world. I was born with no idea who my family was, but I had a PROMISE bigger than I even knew. 

Our circumstances DO NOT have to be our future. 

Two years ago, I asked you to donate to an adoption organization. (Yes, I had another blog before OTWG. So, if you're bored you can read blogs, there, too.) 

Last year, I asked you to join me in 36 Random Acts of Kindness and I had, hands-down, THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! You can read about it and see photos here.

Today, in lieu of getting anything for myself, instead of the 100 Facebook messages or texts, I, again, challenge YOU. 

Instead of doing that, do THIS: 

Give. 

Use your time and energy doing something for someone else. Open the door an extra minute. Pay for someone's food in the fast food or coffee line. Surprise someone with a text message or email. If for no other reason, do it for me, for my birthday. :) Let the celebration be about GIVING. 

Your giving doesn't have to be BIG to make a HUGE impact.

Today, I will be seeing a tiny idea and dream come to fruition. Operation Love was born months ago after our own family learned what childhood cancer TRIES to do to families. This project has been tweaked, thought out and discussed with so many, including those that inspired the idea, those that listened every time I talked about it, those that shared ideas of how to help, those that donated items, those that allowed me to speak to groups about our mission, those that are in the same boat we are, those that wanted to help but didn't know how... 

Today, I will make a delivery of 37+ "gratitude bags" to Children's Medical Center in Dallas. (You can check Instagram for photos!) Today, someone will receive YOUR donations. 

Today, someone will know they are NOT alone. 

Last year at 36, I had no idea what the future held nor how it would test our faith, but THIS year I say WATCH me spread the same love, hope and life into others that has been given to me. 

Here's to another year of changing the world!

Operation Love

Jason and I are proud to introduce a new project we've been working on for a while. After being caregivers to #SuperJace the past few months as he went through intense chemotherapy for acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL), we realized there wasn't a lot of support for the caregivers (or siblings). After an amazing experience at Camp John Marc and several months of discussion with our clinic nurses, it was evident that caregivers NEED someone speaking love, life, and hope into their days. Especially into their days. The job is, frankly, more exhausting than you can even imagine. Just when you think you might get a break, typically, things just get more difficult or so it seems in the moment. 

Jason and I have been so incredibly blessed to have so many people around us from work, church and the community to speak life and victory into our days, especially on the hardest of days. We know not everyone has that support and we want to pay it all forward. Our vision for now is to help those affected by childhood cancer, but this past week God revealed that so many caregivers need this. 

I was able to speak with a local Youth Leadership Team and a women's church group, recently. Both have graciously agreed to help us launch our project. We are SO thankful to them! Also, A big thank you to everyone who helped plan this project while we were still in the middle of intense treatment. And to Josh, who continues to help us with his graphical design talent. :)

We are calling it "Operation Love" 

Mission:

On the Wings of Gratitude’s  (www.onthewingsofgratitude.com) mission is to make life easier and more comfortable for families of childhood cancer, to love on families, & speak life, hope and love into their lives. After going through a leukemia diagnosis with our own son, Jace, we realized that their was very little support for the families and siblings during our journey. We also saw a need for continued support outside of the hospital and clinic. With the help of the community, school organizations, church groups, and individual donations, we can empower the families with hope, gratitude, and affirmation that they are not alone in their journey.  

What is it?

Chemo Care Kits and Gratitude Bags give people a tangible way to help families affected by childhood cancer and helps to bring awareness of a growing need to not only support the kids, but their families and siblings. The impact of families is much deeper than the cancer, chemo and hospital stays. Items do not have to be expensive to have a great impact.

Here is an example of the postcard we will put in the bags/baskets: 

How can YOU help?

Drop off locations will be created so items can be dropped off.

With the help of volunteers, items will be organized in a chemo care kit for families on both Dallas/Legacy Campuses of Children’s Medical Center.

Other items will be organized in smaller “Gratitude Bags” for the families who attend out-patient treatment on both Dallas/Legacy Campuses of Children’s Medical Center.

Item List (You can donate 1 single item or multiple items.)

*Please ensure items are new and packaged. Devices or other expensive items can be donated directly to Tisha or Jason for cleaning or safe keeping before delivery. )

1. Purple tissue paper (any shade) for bags
2. Purple gift bags (any size)
3. Clear or Brown gift bags (any size)
4. Rolls of quarters
5. Travel size laundry soap
6. Laundry bag
7. Travel size shampoo & conditioner
8. Travel size toothpaste, toothbrush, & mouthwash
9. Travel size deodorant
10. Chap stick
11. Socks for men or women ( or kids)
12. Men and/or women razors
13. Nail Clippers, nail file, nail polish remover
14. Q tips
15. Cotton balls
16. Ponytail holders
17. Socks or slippers
18. Blankets
19. Water bottles (small)
20. Granola bars
21. Fruit snacks
22. Chips
23. Popcorn
24. Candy
25. Hot chocolate packets with a mug
26. Instant items for microwave cooking
27. Travel speakers or headphones
28. Thank you cards & pens/markers
29. Envelopes & stamps
30. Packs of paper, stationary or construction paper
31. Scotch tape
32. Food gift cards, iTunes gift cards, VISA gift cards for gas/toll expenses/parking
33. Any extra used IPads/IPhone chargers
34. DVDs
35. Older iphone, ipad, or ipod devices that can be reset for patient/family use
    
    

When and Where? 

Current Drop Off Locations/Dates:

• December Drop Off - TBD
• January Drop Off - TBD
• Mailed-In Donations PO Box 6, Celina, Texas 75009

*1st target delivery date is December 5.

*Additional drop off locations will be announced when they become available.

**All advertising for this project needs to be pre-approved by Tisha & Jason Poncio.

For inquiry on advertising, kit contents, or speaking engagements, please contact onthewingsofgratitude@gmail.com.

"The smallest acts of kindness and love can have a giant impact."

Jason and I want to thank you all in advance for your donations. We know that many families will be blessed to know they are not alone and are thought of and prayed for even if they didn't realize it!

So, as you're stocking up on Thanksgiving items, food drive items, or even stocking stuffers, throw in a few of the items listed above and help us love on others!

Big love and gratitude,

...A child will lead

We talk a lot in our family about being a leader and how important leadership is in life. 

We never expected our 3 year old to be the one leading US during the most difficult time of his life. 

On a rare occasion I was able to capture this moment. He often gathers us up for prayers, in addition to our morning affirmation and nighttime prayers. He speaks very quietly and clasps his hands together like this. 

It IS the most amazing thing to watch. His faith and his heart for The Lord is such an inspiring thing to witness. 

I am humbly honored to be his mom! 

Xoxox

Tisha 

For His Glory

You never expect to hear words that will forever change your life, but we all have them said to us at different times and for different reasons. 

In the wee hours Sunday morning, we learned that our sweet almost 3 year old has leukemia. 

If you know me, or this blog, you know I believe in gratitude and just as much I believe in prayer and in God's healing power. 

Many times we do not understand the "why," but even in hindsight of my own life, I know that He works ALL situations for GOOD. He can take ANY SITUATION around and turn it into an amazing thing. 

I praise him always and in ALL WAYS. Even now when I find myself in an unknown place. 

I know I'm not alone. I know that God will use this situation, as well, to show HIS GLORY and HIS MIRACLES. 

Our job is always to BELIEVE, so that's what I'm doing. Always. 

Jace's Facebook page: Grace for Jace: www.facebook.com/graceforJace

Jace's favorite song and our new theme song: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpPZn7sjBfw

Jace's Caring Bridge site: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jaceponcio/mystory

#SUPERJACE #NOTHINGISIMPOSSIBLE